Lately

I am actually tidy, like finicky type tidy,

Which is a complete contrast to who I was growing up, but I like it

Lately,

I don’t enjoying writing and reading, or art generally as much as I use to

I prefer “school” books, to put it mildly.

The truth is I have fallen madly in love with school books.

Lately

I have no desire to go overseas, travel or see the world,

If it were up to me I wouldn’t leave my room, well maybe let’s say I wouldn’t leave my house.

And I’m not just saying this.

I would not feel like I lost anything at all if I never left my town till they plant me.

I often find myself now completely detached from my phone, from the internet, desperately wanting nothing to do with it.

Leaving it at home intentionally, forgetting it in all the wrong places.

Funny.

I now enjoy real life conversation with people that I like, the social awkwardness comes when I can’t connect with a person and it seems even in those times,

I can often navigate the dialogue to make the situation comfortable enough for us both to realise we are not meant for each other.

So we move on quickly.

Lately,

I find indescribable genuine joy in church and God stuff. Like not the way we hope to find joy in church every time we go there but are really just frustrated

But

For real

Every time I go to church now, I am happy, refreshed… It’s difficult to explain… Almost like I’m different each time.

Lately,

I love every inch of my body. And I mean even single inch fills me with awe and appreciation and sheer, uncomplicated delight.

I wouldn’t change a thing.

I don’t know how I got here.

Lately,

There’s much I haven’t figured out but that’s just life

I’m trying not to worry about it.

I cry less, I’m starting to get over you.

Starting to have renewed hope in the future.

Starting to just relax.

Lately,

I am learning to live like one who knows from the beginning, that the end is beautiful and glorious

And so worth the journey

And also not worth complaining or wailing.

I have skipped to the last minute of my life’s movie and there

I am smiling a smile as bright as the sun

The tears along the way don’t compare.

I am smiling a smile as bright as the sun.

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Essence

What’s bride without veil, king without crown, eyes without sight

What’s morning without bright, love without sacrifice, tomorrow without hope

What’s beauty without acceptance, joy without an uprising, volcano without lava

What’s laughter without sound, play without colour, sky without blue

What’s me without you?

Circle

Somedays you find yourself in

Habits you thought you’ve outgrown

Breathe

Life is not a staircase

It’s a circle

It all goes and comes and goes

Keep in mind who you are

Keep in mind it won’t last forever

You will survive

A story will be told

Failure is a testament to your humanity

Failure is not a dirty word

Failure does not exist

Breathe

You Need People

You might not be 

a strong believer in people, for good reason

But don’t be so feebleminded to think

You have no need for friends in every season

One or two, three or twenty

Number is of little relevance, perhaps age of more importance,

Or not. Point is

You need people to remind you that you are alive 

And that there is meaning in that word because

In all the choices that are and will be made in their limited existence

You are one that they make daily

Some days with more intensity and devotion than others, point is,

You are chosen—

Daily.

And people need you too,

To do the same for them.

Maybe, just maybe this is how we stay alive

In the less bodily sense of the word.

Why Am I Here?

To be. To love. To create. To live.

To fall and rise and

Raise others in my rising and more,

In my falling

To look. To see. To breathe. To work.

To be immersed in the beauty of life, and let

The tears and laugh lines of living kiss my naked cheeks.

To shine. To reflect. To sing. To dance.

To be reminded constantly of something bigger than the consequential irregularities of being

A city of blood and flesh and bone

And in that remembrance find

Strength, find hope, find enough love birthing boldness

To wake another morning and the next after that.