First written: 28/11/16
Hey baby.
I’ll try not to sound not too old school, though I’ve always liked old school.
You know, I never really wanted to have kids. It’s something that has always scared me senseless. But your dad, being the embodiment of incredible, he made having kids, having you, something grand—something I didn’t want to miss out on. I hope that you are more like him, than you are like anyone. Except Jesus. Not to worry, you’re safe following daddy, I don’t know another that follows Jesus as genuinely and faithfully.
I wanted to talk to you about something, about many things actually, maybe even everything. Maybe you won’t get it now, at 12, but you need to be told now. And many will disagree and say you are too young, but you are mine. God gave me you. And I will love you best I can. This world we live in, it’s broken. Like Lego blocks all over the place and so many people want to fix it yet they don’t want the inventor’s instructions. They want to do it their way, and get the inventor’s results. I know, sounds like a pretty wack plan to me too but it’s where we live and so we need to confront it and be informed.
I want your mind to be sharp. I want you to pick up books and read, not to have an opinion but to see—see beyond your nose, see a little farther still. I want your mind to become soil, fertile soil, for culture shifting revolutions. And for this to happen, you will need to be exposed. Society is wired towards a sickened love for self. A crippling love for self. A love that says I must have what I want when I want it and how I want. And that love, that flaw, has led to many terrors in the human community.
One of such contagious terrors, are the perversions that come with sex. I pray to God that this is the first time you are hearing that word, at least in this context. I want to be the one who tells you about it. Sex is when a man and a woman are deeply intimate with each other with their bodies, especially their gentials and also with their souls. I know that you might pretend like you don’t want to hear this stuff or might be shy to talk about it, but I’m also sure that you are curious and you want more information than that little sentence up there. You need to trust me when I tell you that’s all there is to it. That is all. Any extra information, will only stir your urges before the right time. When your friends start to talk about this (and they will) and you begin to feel like the novice, think about this moment, this words, and how much weight they hold. Believe me when I say, you don’t need to know more that this. Not right now. I want you to know that sex is good. God made it, for us to enjoy and in so doing bring glory to His name. Look at it like this, when you watch the sunset, what comes to you mind? I know what goes on in mine. I go oh my, how lovely, how totally amazing this is, there has to be a genius God who made this. That’s what captures my mind. That there is God, and he made this. And in a way I see Him through that. And I feel a glint of His beauty, I don’t have a choice but to give Him credit, somehow. Even if I don’t say it directly. It’s the same way with sex. It’s this beautiful thing God has made, that we might see Him through. That we might enjoy Him through. It’s beautiful inside God.
But the world is so psyched by it, sex, that they’ve distorted the image. We no longer see God, we see ourselves. And because we will never truly be happy if we don’t see God, distorting the image only harms us more in the long run. We will never be satisfied. I’m telling you this because I know liars are lining up at the door step of your ears. I know they will try to tell you otherwise. And you will be tempted to listen, but take strength from the truth you know now and stand firm.
Sex is only beautiful, in marriage, between a man and his wife, pointing ultimately to the goodness and mastery of God. It’s something special. Something amazing. Over the next few years, more than ever before you will see sexuality displayed openly, without regard, and you will wonder what the point is. The point is this love, your joy is at stake. True joy, yours, is at stake. Because only God can satisfy. Not sex. Not human adoration or attention. Only God.
Many of the people you will know, and might even be close to will become addicts of something called pornography, movies of people engaging in sex. They will have their minds invaded and polluted and it will take years for them to ever get their minds back, if they do at all. There’s guilt, there’s shame, there’s hurt, there’s depression, there’s self loathe. And while they engage in this they might seem alright, they might even seem happier than you. Don’t be fooled. In the dark corners of their rooms, they cry and get sick of it all. Don’t fall into that trap. Guard your eyes, heart and mind. Don’t let your curiosity get the better of you. Look away, they are many other wonders of the world to get your mind rapped around. You must keep your mind yours. Don’t open doors to things that will control you. Take responsibility and be in control.
Never forget that all things are yours. All things have been given to you by God. You are free. Whatever you don’t have, isn’t really valuable. It’s not just cheap, it’s fake and it will soon fade away. You are so loved. You are so blessed and sometimes you will forget. Tell me, and I will remind you. And as much as I want to be there, and I will when I can, I want you to know that when I am not, God is, and he will never leave. Ever. Take rest in that. Take rest in Him.
Take care of yourself. Take care of your body. No one has a right to touch you, not even only slightly. You are a person of substance. You are important. You are not an object. Sometimes, people that don’t know better will treat you like less, but you must always know better. Don’t let them mistreat you or touch you in obscure places. Say no. Walk away, run away. Shout. Tell me. Write it down till it sticks; You are royalty. One of your kind, rare. First in your lane. Child of God. You are not a toy. No one has a right to you.
I also need to tell you to respect other people. They are not your property. Every human being has value. Value has nothing to do with money. It has to do with simply being, having a space in time. You must never exert forceful power on anyone. No one owes you anything. Not a kind word, not a smile, nothing. So when someone is good to you be grateful, be very grateful and let them know. And when someone is mean, walk away. They don’t have to be nice to you, it’s not their job. They aren’t at your service. Be humble.
No matter what, talk to me when something is wrong. Talk to me when things are right. Talk to me. And to your dad. Always. Ask your questions. Put them out in the open. Your voice is to be heard, not tucked away. We cannot promise you the best put together answers all the time, but we promise that we love you, more than you will ever know and we are here for you.
All my love, mom.
The Red Journal 