I am actually tidy, like finicky type tidy,
Which is a complete contrast to who I was growing up, but I like it
I don’t enjoying writing and reading, or art generally as much as I use to
I prefer “school” books, to put it mildly.
The truth is I have fallen madly in love with school books.
I have no desire to go overseas, travel or see the world,
If it were up to me I wouldn’t leave my room, well maybe let’s say I wouldn’t leave my house.
And I’m not just saying this.
I would not feel like I lost anything at all if I never left my town till they plant me.
I often find myself now completely detached from my phone, from the internet, desperately wanting nothing to do with it.
Leaving it at home intentionally, forgetting it in all the wrong places.
I now enjoy real life conversation with people that I like, the social awkwardness comes when I can’t connect with a person and it seems even in those times,
I can often navigate the dialogue to make the situation comfortable enough for us both to realise we are not meant for each other.
So we move on quickly.
I find indescribable genuine joy in church and God stuff. Like not the way we hope to find joy in church every time we go there but are really just frustrated
Every time I go to church now, I am happy, refreshed… It’s difficult to explain… Almost like I’m different each time.
I love every inch of my body. And I mean even single inch fills me with awe and appreciation and sheer, uncomplicated delight.
I wouldn’t change a thing.
I don’t know how I got here.
There’s much I haven’t figured out but that’s just life
I’m trying not to worry about it.
I cry less, I’m starting to get over you.
Starting to have renewed hope in the future.
Starting to just relax.
I am learning to live like one who knows from the beginning, that the end is beautiful and glorious
And so worth the journey
And also not worth complaining or wailing.
I have skipped to the last minute of my life’s movie and there
I am smiling a smile as bright as the sun
The tears along the way don’t compare.
I am smiling a smile as bright as the sun.